Spinach On my teeth
Many years back, a friend and I were at one of the larger malls outside Cleveland during the holiday season. We had just stepped onto a tall escalator in the center of the mall—it spanned at least a story or two, going from the bottom to the top floor. I got on first, and my friend followed behind me. As we rode up, I turned around to talk to her.
While we were chatting, I noticed people behind her were laughing and making faces. Folks riding the opposite escalator started turning around to see what all the commotion was about. When we got to the top, I realized why: her skirt had gotten tucked into her underwear, exposing her backside to the entire mall. I quickly reached over, pulled her skirt down to cover her, and quietly let her know what had happened. Mortified, she declared we had to leave immediately and vowed never to return to that mall again.
I’ve often remembered that moment and wondered: why didn’t anyone behind us—or passing by—say something to spare her the embarrassment? That, to me, is a “spinach on your teeth” moment.
As a leader, I often ask my team and coworkers for feedback by saying, “If you care about me, why would you let me walk around with spinach on my teeth?”
What I mean is: I’d rather be made aware of my actions—especially by someone with good intentions—than walk around clueless, repeating mistakes I could be learning from.
Feedback is a gift. It keeps us from blindly continuing behaviors that may not serve us—or the people around us. And feedback about what you’re doing well is just as valuable. When you find ways of communicating or leading that resonate with others, you want to keep doing those things and building on that momentum. That’s how we grow, strengthen relationships, and build real trust at work.
When I receive feedback, I try to:
Acknowledge the issue
Get curious
Ask what they think would help
Apologize if necessary
Offer ideas
And thank them for their honesty
I also like to circle back in a few days with progress or changes I’ve made, and check in on how things are feeling. Giving feedback—especially to a leader—can take courage. Showing appreciation, openness, and a willingness to reflect helps build psychological safety and a stronger team culture.
That said, not all feedback comes from the right place. We’ve all received feedback that felt more like intimidation, a microaggression, or someone trying to make themselves feel better at your expense. That kind of feedback often says more about the giver than it does about you—and it’s okay not to internalize it or act on it.
You can acknowledge it, or call it out directly with something like
“That comment didn’t sit well with me. Let’s keep things respectful.”
“That felt loaded—can you clarify what you meant?
Standing up for yourself can also signal to others—especially the quieter voices in the room—that they have an ally. And sometimes, saying something helps the person giving the feedback realize how they’re coming across.
In the end, feedback—when it’s rooted in care—can help us grow, connect, and lead better. So go ahead: tell me if I have spinach on my teeth. I’d rather know.
